Thursday, May 24, 2012

Facebook Statuses.

What's up, folks! I am currently laying in my bed because it is raining out and I don't work today and I can't think of anything else I'd rather do than write a blog.....

I have a little complaint about Facebook statuses. So here we go with another list: "What not to write as your Facebook status".

1. Your status is not a diary entry. No one wants to hear about your life drama through an FB status. If it's so important that you need to talk to someone about it, call them. All 1000909897 of your FB friends read it, but you're probably just looking for attention. What's worse, is some people add every person they meet, even if it's just a one time ting, as a friend on FB. Do you really want some rando to know all your personal BS? They may never want to talk to you again if they find our you're a crazy.

2. Don't call people out. If you're gonna write bad things about a person and call them names but not type in their real name to try and keep it a secret .. you're an idiot. If this person really has done something wrong chances are they know that you are talking about them. And if you ever want to be friends with them again, this is most likely really lessening your chances. (Wow, lessening didn't get the red squiggly underline - I really didn't think it was a word.. squiggly made the cut too)

3. Television spoilers. Haven't you heard of PVR? Or satellite - where you get the channels from like every time zone which means you can watch the same show every hour. HELLO PEOPLE. If I have PVR I am obviously going to just watch it later without annoying commercials. But if I go on FB in the meantime and I see someone has written every exact detail of the show I am about to watch.. I will not be a very happy camper. So do your friends a favour and don't tell them what is going to happen to their favourite character in the whole wide world before they get to see it for themselves. (This goes for movies too.. unless it was a book first cause then it's just assumed everyone's read the book.. hello, Harry Potter)
PS - I am not saying everyone has satellite or digital cable or PVR - I'm just saying be courteous to those people who will watch the show AFTER you already have.

4. Threats. REALLY? "Blah blah I hope you go to jail blah blah you are terrible blah blah I'm telling my mom on you blah blah" Why not throw in a "you're not the boss of me" while you're at it, champ. For reals. If you are so gung-ho on putting someone into jail or laying charges on them.. go see the popos. It is their job.. not Mark Zuckerberg's. I don't know what you expect to accomplish from posting it. Oh, wait, I do know - attention. Good job.

5. Here's a good one. Don't post "I HAD SO MUCH FUN LAST NIGHT WITH ALL MY FRIENDS" after you forget (accident or not) to invite one of these so called FRIENDS. And definitely don't add pictures. They will be pissed they missed an opportunity to have a new tagged photo on FB. (I really hope this isn't true)

6. Any complaints or comments about your boss/coworkers/workplace etc. That is self explanitory.

7. Don't write consoling words to a person who just lost a reality show.. they are never going to read it. Ever.

8. No one wants to read about how you think you are ugly and stupid and fat and how you will end up all alone and a cat lady and all these other negative Nancy things. A) again, this is not your diary and B) you're just going to make people actually not want to be friends with you because you're a downer. Seriously, get over it. You are just looking for people to comment and say "You are beautiful", "I love you", "Let's hang out", "I'm sorry I bought you a shirt that was too small, you aren't fat, it was the shirt" etc etc etc

These last two were sent to me by text message (feel free to text me/page me/FB me/IM me/email me/phone me/contact me .. cause I need friends .. jk .. if you have suggestions for blog topics .. I can make almost anything hilarious)

9. Don't post all about your feelings and then when someone actually sincerely wants to know what's up and talk about it with you say "I don't wanna talk about it".. obviously you DID since you posted it on FB for thousands of people to see it. Gosh, bipolar much?

10. Don't check into places. Personally, this one doesn't bother me but I have never had this particular experience: "I hate when people check in at the mall and write 'Oh, shirt I like is on sale!' and then post a picture of the price tag" .. ahhahahahahha. That's funny.

Well, my friends. That is all for now. So keep the FB statuses to .. almost anything but what I just told you. And don't write paragraphs of song lyrics WITH the artist and name of song. That's just weird. Mine are song lyrics right now, not going to lie. But it's like 8 words. Turnpike Troubadours. Look them up, they're excellent. Here is the link since I know no one will look them up on their own:

Wait, one more thing to add. Don't post things that are actually important like getting a job, or accepted to uni or something. Whatever happened to a good ol' phone call? Call the people who are actually going to care. Even a text is more personal than a FB post.


xoxo Laura-sh-b-g-ora. That's what my uncle calls me. Excellent.

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