Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Stay Classy

So first of all, I apologize to my numerous fans and followers and stalkers that it has taken me a while to post another blog. However, I was out of town on very important business. So now, my friends, you can smile and clap your hands cause I'm back.

I was originally going to title this one: Stay Classy, Thunder Bay. But I decided that after everyone read the post they would just assume Thunder Bay is dirty and just produces really stupid people. I would say on average, it produces the same amount of stupid people per capita as any other city! But on average, more smart people. THAT'S FO SHO.

Last week, I was at Intercity Shopping Centre (Don't miss a thing!....) and needed to invest in a dress. Just an inexpensive one to wear at dinner on my weekend away. So into Stitches I go - because we all know that everything in that store costs like ten dollars. Legit. I actually grabbed a handful of stuff to try on. While I'm looking through racks of clothing I hear some girl behind me go "Oh my gosh, babe, look at how ugly these are. These are disgusting, they're gonna make me barf." I didn't even turn around to look at what it was she was looking at because I just didn't really care. But then she goes to try things on. And I'm just going to quote her, because you will get the full effect. GIRL: "Oh my gosh. These are too small. The 3's are too small. I need a 5. Oh my gawd I am so fat." That is probably something normal to hear in the changeroom at Penington's. But for reals. Stitches? They make clothes for 12 year olds. Obviously you are probably going to have to wear something a little bit bigger. And it's not like you miraculously overnight went from a 3 to a 17. Maybe it was just the fit of the pants. But I'll let you in on a little secret - HOMEGIRL IS PREGNANT. Like, full on has a baby bump pregnant. First off - I thought pregnant people bought stretchy pants and elastic waist jeans? Second - I also thought you were supposed to gain weight while you are pregnant. Or maybe I just never learned anything at school or in life. Maybe I'm just stupid. Who knows.

Don't worry, this story gets 12 billion trillion BAZILLION times better. Wanna know why? I'll tell you why. Because the sales associate girl asked her how her pregnancy is going. She asked if the girl got sick much. And THIS ladies in gentlemen, is the reply I heard. (I legit stopped putting on the dress I was putting on, took out my phone, and typed this out).

"I got sick a bit at the start. But then I stopped smoking. If you smoke, don't smoke when you're pregnant. It just makes you sick" - girl.

WHAT IN THE HECK. DID I SERIOUSLY JUST LISTEN TO SOMEONE IN THE YEAR 2012 GIVE THAT ADVICE? Like. It wasn't even the "Smoking will kill your baby"; it was "If you smoke, you will throw up". I honestly. I just. I can't even type right now. I remember when I was in elementary school one of my classmates said her mom was pregnant. Then I went to her birthday party and her mom was smoking. So I didn't believe her that her mom was actually having a baby. I, Laura Harrison, as a really, really cute 8 year old knew that it was bad for pregnant people to smoke. That was 16 years ago. And now, this girl is concerned about puking, not killing her baby.

That's all I really have to say about that.

Onward. Today as I was sitting waiting to be picked up from the gym I work at - three teenagers approach me. I sat pretending to text on my phone so that I wouldn't have to make eye contact with them because they were scary and looked like they were going to be mean to me. Yeah, I'm 22 and afraid of 14 year olds. So the one girl (wearing a St Ignatius school uniform, I might add) says: "Excuse me, can I buy a smoke?" Uhhh no. Do I look like I have cigarettes on me? Apparently I did because after I said no, she said to her friends, "What about that guy" as a guy leaves the gym. Their response "He doesn't look like a smoker". WHAT? So great, just call me Smokey McSmokerson.

Just to get TBay back on the classy bus, and not under it. We have beautiful scenery and friendly people. We have Old Fort William. We have hockey, which lots of people here seem to like, but only just a little bit. There's lakes and fishing and hunting and hiking and biking. It is a great place, I pinky swear. And if you know me, you know I MEAN it when I pinky swear.

And on that note .. There you have it. My life. My big smokey life. Can't write anymore of this blog because I've got to go and smoke a big ol' dart.

BYE from Smokesville.

PS -this is for you, Rhoni. Ambush. -

No comments:

Post a Comment