Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Seriously, do I need to explain the rules again?

So my most recent Tweet was a lie. (FOLLOW ME @laura_harry21) It mentioned I was going to shower, but I'm not because I have something I need to get off my chest. Clearly no one who actually goes to the gym reads my blog. Or maybe, everyone who does read it just needs to spread the word on my gym etiquette post because things are getting a little out of hand.

Here are some observations I have come across at the gym either while working (ka-ching!) or working out (sweat-ing!) and also a few little rules (I'm sorry if you've heard some of the rules before, it's just that... they obviously didn't break through some of the thick skulls in the world so I have to repeat them.)

Here goes nothing. Maybe print it off and highlight the important points. There will be a test on this post.... every day you go to the gym, you're being tested. I have eyes everywhere, so don't get cocky and hop off your stand before the buzzer goes (bad attempt at a Hunger Games reference) or you might not get to go to the gym ever again.

1. Previously, I have mentioned that bathing suits don't count for a sports bra/t-shirt combo at any age. I guess I should have made myself a little more clear: Just because your bathing suit has a skirt attached to it, does not mean you can substitute it for shorts. I repeat: PLEASE WEAR CLOTHES TO WORK OUT.

2. Strippers don't know the difference between an outfit for working and working out.
* I can neither confirm nor deny that the allegations that a patron is a stripper is true, but we are just going to say she is for the sake of this post.

3. Grunting will never go out of style.

4. Wearing a sports bra only, as your shirt, is only allowed if you have the body of a 12-year-old boy. AKA you are skin and bones. Okay, I take that back. It is never okay in a public place.

5. I would like to formally thank whoever decided to leave the 90, 80 and 75 pound dumbbells on the floor for me to rack all in the same night. There are signs on the wall that say "Respect: Rack your weights." for a reason. That reason is: 90 pounds is really heavy for someone who has done little to no physical activity all summer (okay, I asked for that I guess).

6. Wipe down the equipment and mats after you use them. No one wants your ring worm. Plus I'd rather sit on a mat that's wet cause it's got fresh germacide on it than a mat that's wet cause it's got fresh swass on it.

7. Stop slamming the medicine balls. That makes them break in half like an egg. We have slam balls for a reason.

8. I'm just gonna rule repeat here: don't hold hands with your lova lova on the track. Or anywhere in the gym, for that matter.

9. Which reminds me of the time I saw a couple working out. Then I saw them hanging out outside of the doors to the changerooms as if they were at an airport and weren't going to see each other for months after they walked through the doors. Seriously? If you shower, you will be in there for max 20 minutes. If you don't shower, max 10. You can't be apart for 20 minutes after you just were together for what seems like probably your whole lives? Go in the family change area if you are that sad to be apart for 20 minutes. For reals.

10. Don't have weird conversations in the change room if you don't want people to judge you. Or at least, just make sure I'm not in there when you are talking. Or keep a quiet voice.

11. It is so awkward to walk into a changeroom and BAM there's a naked person.

12. That's enough for today.

You're welcome.

- Lady Peaches (I think that will be my new pen name... thanks Steph Smith!)

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