Sunday, December 9, 2012

Are you single and ready to mingle?

Hey all.

I just realized that I haven't posted a new blog since September. And for that, I apologize. I am a pretty busy person and like to use my spare time to breathe, forgive me.

I know a few of my fans (keyword: few...) would like to see a new post so I guess since I have actual work I should be doing right now, I'm going to write a blog.

Where and how to meet guys. (But you probably shouldn't actually follow this advice.)

Where: the gym
How: Simple. While many of you ladies might think it's okay to wear your cutest outfit and do your hair and makeup to go work out, the complete opposite of that is true. I realize guys appreciate when we put on our 'hot girl disguises' as Jenna Marbles likes to say, but the gym is just not a place for that. The gym is a place for sweat and let's face it - if you are working as hard as you should be, then all your makeup should end up slidin' around on your face and I highly doubt you want that. Basically.. would you rather date a guy who you feel comfortable around at your worst: sweaty, workout clothes, no makeup, just lookin' haggard. Or do you wanna date a guy that you feel like you could never look like that around and you must always rock your HGD (hot girl disguise). Key word: disguise. Or you could just ask for a spot when you are using five pounders. I feel like that probably would work.

Where: the bar
How: Not so simple. And we could break this down even further by categorizing types of bars.. dive bars, clubs, country bars.... So I'm just going to use the term loosely. Basically you need to be cautious of a) how much you have had to drink b) the extent of your hot girl disguise c) how much the gentleman has had to drink. If all three are a little off the charts (you are wastey pants, you are wearing ten pounds of makeup and a double push up and he is wastey pants...) then I would steer clear of the situation. However, if you are both coherent and you didn't do your makeup like a 'lady of the night' then go for it.

Where: school
More specifically: class
How: well... I could name someone but I'm not going to.. but if you tend to stare at people in class and then text me about them... maybe you should just not be a creep and approach them and say "Hey! I think you're pretty neat!" Or sit within that range of five or so people and so when the prof says to get in a group, and you do the 'look around the room but only within a range of five people to see who would be in your group' they can be in your group. And then you can get to know them. Plus it's an easy way to get their phone number or add them to FB without being that creepy (even though we all know you have already done a thorough creep of their profile and hopefully you weren't roadblocked by their security settings)

Where: coffee shop
How: I have no idea. Coffee shop people are either alone cause they wanna be alone or with other people which means they probably don't wanna talk to you anyways. So in my opinion, if you want Starbs just go through the drive-thru.

Where: sports event
How: Well you need to be careful. If it is a sport you don't know much about.. you need to play it cool cause if the guy knows EVERYTHING ABOUT THE SPORT AND LOVES AND LIVES IT AND OH MY GOSH HOW DON'T YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT THIS.. then he will probably think you're an idiot and hate you and that's that. So just ask subtle questions. Or compliment his jersey. Or something. But then again.. that guy WHO I DESCRIBED BEFORE will probably be on beer number 10 by the time he gets to his seat so maybe.. yeah just .. stay home with your cat.

Where: yoga class
How: Just kidding, if you talk in yoga people get mad at you.

Where: Jewellery store
How: Tell him which engagement ring you want him to buy you.
*Editor's note: Does anyone else ALWAYS spell 'jewellery' wrong? I always spell it 'jewelry' .. okay I just embarrassed myself cause it looks really wrong spelled like that.

Where: party
How: This category is similar to the bar. Just be able to carry on a conversation and you're golden. If you are belligerent that probably will decrease your chances of finding a friend that is a boy that will become your boyfriend. A lot. But at a party usually you can meet each other through friends. So just ask a lot of questions and get to know each other. And if you're at 74 maybe dance on the coffee table - you can compete to see who can break it first.

I dunno about this anymore. I hope you've learned something out of my sarcasm. I really don't have any legit experience in this area, obviously. Just be yourself and don't go looking. Someone will come along when you're least expecting it. That's my real life advice.

It's snowing out so I'm going to stare out the window. BYE

xoxo, Gossip Girl.

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